It read, “promise me never to hide yourself when in pain; it’s unfair that we laughed together but you cried alone” ~ unknown. And this got me thinking. Deeply.
On the one hand, pain that cuts to the bone is a lonely kind of pain. There may be tell-tale signs that would lead a friend to ask, “how are you?” All too often, the reply is “I’ll be ok” or simply, “fine thanks.”
What is the one thing that we need to hear, believe, and hold on to during our pain?
Scripture. Scripture will be read at various points in this message.
Introduction
A starting point is to clarify if you are in pain or not. This might sound like an unusual thing to do, but many don’t recognize the signs, and recognizing the signs is often the first step toward healing. Emotional pain is often indicated by:
- A change in personality.
- Agitation, anger, or moodiness.
- Withdrawal and isolation.
- Risky behaviour and diminished self-care.
- Hopelessness, worthlessness, overwhelmed.
Spiritual pain is harder to pin down. Perhaps we can use the following as indicators:
- Fear of death.
- Irrational feeling of being lost, non-emotional/non-physical insecurity.
- Not feeling loved (in the unconditional and eternal sense).
- Loss of or lack of faith, hope, virtue, or inner beauty.
- Feelings of worthlessness, shame, guilt, rejection.
- Life is meaningless.
- Feeling separated from God.
I am not trying to give you a complete list or lesson but to create an awareness of some of the things that we can experience. Emotional and spiritual pain are in a sense, intertwined.
But the big question in all of this, is “where is God, and does He care?”
It’s an easy question to answer … but how easy is it, amid pain, to believe that answer?
- Where was God when Joseph was imprisoned? Genesis 39:20-21, “Joseph’s master took him and put him in prison, the place where the king’s prisoners were confined. But while Joseph was there in the prison, the LORD was with him; he showed him kindness and granted him favor in the eyes of the prison warden.”
- Where was God when Joshua took over from Moses? Joshua 1:9, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
- Where was God when He called Gideon? Judges 6:12, “When the angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon, he said, ‘The LORD is with you, mighty warrior.’”
- Where was Jesus when the storm struck their boat and the disciples feared for their lives? With them in the boat.
- What did Jesus tell the disciples when commissioning them to go and teach the Gospel? Matthew 28:20, “and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
- What does the Psalmist say in Psalm 139:7-10 about where God is throughout his life? “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.”
The big question is the easiest to answer. The second question is harder, “where are my brothers and sisters in Christ when I am in pain?” Or put another way, “where am I in relation to my brothers and sisters in Christ when pain strikes?”
It is true that many a depression, illness or pain is spent in and dealt with in isolation. Isolation has two sides to it; the first is where people isolate us and the second is where we are doing the isolating.
Either way, isolation leads to loneliness and further complications. Would it be accurate to say pain upon pain?
Recognizing your pain and asking for help is often a hard thing to do – particularly asking for help. Listen to what three people have to say on the topic:
- “Personally, I realized to myself that it is difficult for me to tell my stories to anyone because I develop a mistrust attitude towards people. It’s hard for me to trust them because they really don’t understand what I’ve been through and they give advices that I soon realize works for them only. It is also difficult for me because they can’t picture what I’ve been through and they will judge the situation without a care to anyone’s feelings or they only hear one side of they story.”
- “Opening up is not that easy since almost none wants to be fully transparent with everything going on in their lives to just anyone due to past bad experiences of letting wrong people in and later finding out the repercussions. We remain closed until we’ve decided who are the right people to let in.”
- “I don’t open up because of an irrational fear of abandonment. I have few friends and many times people walk out of my life. I am displeased to waste my time, and have felt like opening up just leads to disappointment…Opening up is not a problem, opening up to the wrong person is.”
I think person 3 hits the proverbial nail on the head! “Opening up to the wrong person…”
This asks of us as the brothers and sisters of someone who is in obvious pain, “am I the right person?”
Perhaps reading Acts 2:46-47 can shed some light. This passage describes the fellowship of the believers, “Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.”
I am sure that you will agree that being “the right person” is a person who aims to glorify God in all that he/she does and is part of a thriving body of believers. In this way, someone’s pain is shared with someone who is trustworthy, understanding, shows grace, shows unconditional love, is non-critical/judgmental, helps you feel safe, and has genuine empathy with you.
Not particularly because of who they are, but because of Jesus in them and through them.
In this sharing of pain to a Godly person within a Christian community, we experience something of what the Christian life can and should be. Ideally. The Christian family community is the place where we laugh and cry together.
“Promise me never to hide yourself when in pain; it’s unfair that we laughed together but you cried alone” is reason to think deeply about who we are and what we expect of others.
But if you place this expectation on others, be worthy of what you are asking for. This worthiness comes from Christ and growth in Him, and not from anything within or of you.
The other side of the coin is that you, when sharing your pain with others, have certain expectations of that person. Can you live up to your own expectations? Can you do something about that?
Conclusion
Are we burdening others with our pain? Sometimes we have that fear that we over-dramatize and the worry that what is “something big” for me is “something minor” for someone else. And, sadly, some may even receive a cry for help with this attitude.
1 Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” Not only the big things or some of the small things. All. Galatians 6:2 reads, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” The idea here is to carry, take up, take away and even carry off another’s weight of personal and eternal significance. Bring relief and comfort to this person.
We need each other, not only in the good, happy, and easy times, but in our pain as well.
So, what is the one thing that we need to hear, believe, and hold on to during our pain? It’s written in Deuteronomy 31:6, Joshua 1:5, 1 Chronicles 28:20 and again in the last part of Hebrews 13:5, “…Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” God is with you. Always. Amen.